Monday, October 29, 2012

The Struggle

Warning: This is a bit dark for a Monday morning, and is a complete departure from my typically lighthearted stories about babies and my ineptitude at parking. Rest assured that I AM FINE, just spending some time being introspective. I promise, ok?

You tell yourself that you’re too old to feel this way. Although forty years of Life’s experience fills you with wisdom and knowledge, Uncertainty and Self Doubt materialize as voices, swirling around in a swarm of anxiety outside the door that protects your soul.

Knowing that you shouldn't, you crack open the door to those voices. You know they don’t deserve your attention but the desire to listen to their slippery whispers is too powerful. You simply must know what they are saying today. Your moment of weakness is their opportunity. Like warriors storming a castle, they shove against the door, ramming rhythmically with their powerful forces. Realizing your mistake, you try to push back against their strength and slam the door shut. Sometimes you have the power to close them out, returning them to the elements of the outside world, where they can do no damage. You fervently pray for a storm of bold assurance that will send them running away from your soul.

But there are days when you don’t have the strength to close the door. This is when Uncertainty and Self-Doubt shove against your resistance, swinging the door open wide. Once inside the safe haven of your mind, their whispers transform into vicious snarls and they circle you greedily. Before you can call upon the soldiers of Confidence and Self Love to defend you, the enemies have shredded you and left you on the floor bleeding. They swirl around the room one last time before fleeing triumphantly out the door they so easily pushed in.

You lay there, listening to the gleeful cackles of the voices as they depart, licking your wounds. You call hoarsely for help. Confidence and Self Love rush into the room, bewildered that you allowed such wickedness into your home. Shaking their heads, they gently pull you up from the floor and place your arms around them for support. Then they carry you to safety and lock the door.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

How to embarrass yourself in front of your new boss.

I don't think I've mentioned on the blog that I just took a new position within Giant Ass Bank. I'll be building out a program and doing some cool and important stuff with it. How's that for intentionally vague? You don't care about the details, I promise.

I'm excited about the opportunity and am looking forward to the challenge. There's nothing I like better than building something from the ground up into a fully grown, robust machine. I'm good at it, and as cliche/corporate cheeseball as it sounds, I'm up for the challenge.

We had a huge team meeting here in Des Moines this week. Over 240 people from across the country were in town to do a meet and greet. After the meetings on Tuesday, GAB reserved a restaurant downtown for the group. My boss isn't located here in the Des Moines area, so after the meetings, I drove him and another coworker downtown.

I don't know if I've mentioned that TH and I recently got a new van. (It's a Honda Odyssey. It's awesome.) For five years now, I have driven a little car. I'm not used to driving a big old van. And unfortunately, the only place to park nearby was a spot in which I would have to parallel park.

(STOP laughing, TH. I can hear you from here.)

So, I pulled up to the car in front of the space, put the van in reverse, and blah blah. I would've been fine, except that I turned too sharply and ended up smushing the rear tire against the curb in such a way that it became impossible to move. I couldn't just overcorrect and go up on the curb for a moment (that would've been embarrassing, but not too horrible) and I couldn't even pull back out and try again. Instead, I had to put the van in drive and inch forward, put it in reverse and inch back, etc., etc., over and over again at least ten times. I'm not even kidding.

At one point, my boss asked, "Do you want me to get out and park for you?"

Oh yes he did.

Thud.

Despite my stern announcement that 'what happens in the van stays in the van', he and my coworker were were shaking their heads and laughing at me. It was humiliating. But hey - I can laugh at myself, so I suppose that's good.

My boss is traveling back home today and I had to text him to ask him a work question. He replied back with this youtube link:



Smartass.

Sigh.

Oh well, I suppose it doesn't hurt to show him that I have one TEENSY imperfection. And I'm going to look on the bright side of things. Now I have the perfect answer to that dreaded interview question: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Monday, October 15, 2012

Happy birthday, Goblin!

I don't have it in me to write up a long sentimental post about Goblin's birthday, so I'll just share photos from her party this weekend. You know me, though, I'm feeling pretty sappy about it all. I just can't believe she's already a year old.

We had a fun weekend, in which Goblin was the star of the show. Hollywood was home and she helped me take some fun "baby boudoir" photos:

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Saturday was rainy and cold, so we stayed inside and got ready for Sunday's party. It was a fun party. I always look around at events like these and thank God for the family He blessed me with. It's always a pleasure getting together for birthdays and events.

I didn't go all out for Goblin's party because, hey. She's one. I'll conserve my energy for when she's big enough to remember. But I got her dressed up in a fun outfit:

(Got the shirt on Etsy)

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And I made her some fun cupcakes:

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They're monsters:

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I had fun making them. Although I tried to make the cakes purple and they turned out kind of gray and weird looking. Note to self: don't try that again.

The party was fun. The birthday girl got lots of hugs:

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Goblin got a ridiculous amount of presents:

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Bumblebee was happy to help her open them all.

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Yes, she was clutching that water bottle and carrying it everywhere. Weird kid.

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Sock monkey hug! (And baby needs a kleenex.)

This car was a big hit:

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Cousin Simon is helping Goblin drive:

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Goblin wasn't so sure about the singing of "Happy Birthday" by everyone:

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This is why I need to open up the wall between my kitchen and living room. We have a big family!

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But she loved the ice cream!

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The party was fun, and despite being on stimulation overload all day long, and eating nothing but sugar all day, Goblin was pretty well behaved. After the party, my brothers and our families went to the apple orchard/pumpkin farm. I've got tons of great shots of that adventure (the kids had a blast, even The Boy!) but I'll share them another day.

I took today off, and not much is on the agenda, but I'm happy to be able to snuggle with the birthday girl all day long.

Happy birthday to our Baby Bug.