Monday, October 29, 2012

The Struggle

Warning: This is a bit dark for a Monday morning, and is a complete departure from my typically lighthearted stories about babies and my ineptitude at parking. Rest assured that I AM FINE, just spending some time being introspective. I promise, ok?

You tell yourself that you’re too old to feel this way. Although forty years of Life’s experience fills you with wisdom and knowledge, Uncertainty and Self Doubt materialize as voices, swirling around in a swarm of anxiety outside the door that protects your soul.

Knowing that you shouldn't, you crack open the door to those voices. You know they don’t deserve your attention but the desire to listen to their slippery whispers is too powerful. You simply must know what they are saying today. Your moment of weakness is their opportunity. Like warriors storming a castle, they shove against the door, ramming rhythmically with their powerful forces. Realizing your mistake, you try to push back against their strength and slam the door shut. Sometimes you have the power to close them out, returning them to the elements of the outside world, where they can do no damage. You fervently pray for a storm of bold assurance that will send them running away from your soul.

But there are days when you don’t have the strength to close the door. This is when Uncertainty and Self-Doubt shove against your resistance, swinging the door open wide. Once inside the safe haven of your mind, their whispers transform into vicious snarls and they circle you greedily. Before you can call upon the soldiers of Confidence and Self Love to defend you, the enemies have shredded you and left you on the floor bleeding. They swirl around the room one last time before fleeing triumphantly out the door they so easily pushed in.

You lay there, listening to the gleeful cackles of the voices as they depart, licking your wounds. You call hoarsely for help. Confidence and Self Love rush into the room, bewildered that you allowed such wickedness into your home. Shaking their heads, they gently pull you up from the floor and place your arms around them for support. Then they carry you to safety and lock the door.

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