Monday, September 10, 2012

Blue and Bouncy Thoughts

While driving into work this morning, I had one of those commutes where my mind will not stop bouncing all over the place. It was similar to how I navigate the grocery store when I forget to bring a list with me. I start with the produce, then go to the dairy counter, remember that I need tomatoes and head back to the produce aisle. Then I get cereal and bread, but have to turn the cart back to the dairy section because I forgot we needed cheese. Finally, as I'm heading toward the checkout counter, I remember that we need toilet paper. It’s exhausting, really.

I heard this song by Ed Sheeran that reminded me of Hollywood - not because she's selling herself to pay rent like in the lyrics of the song, but because this kind of music reminds me of her. And this makes me feel particularly lonesome for her today.

The corn fields are starting to change colors:

Corn's changing color. #iowa

They’re still pretty green, but the change is beginning. In September, the fields of corn turn from a bright, vibrant green to a golden maize color. The contrast with a cerulean sky is one of the things that I love most about the landscape of my state.  The fields made me think about how we took some of Hollywood’s senior pictures with that magnificence as the background last year. My oldest daughter is enjoying her life in college; I can tell this when I talk to her. But I miss her something fierce. I’m trying not to smother her, I want her to truly experience life on her own, but there are times when it’s hard – I really just want to know how she’s doing and if she’s eating well and getting enough sleep.

I know she misses us too. I sent her a text telling her that Goblin walked the entire length of the living room, and she replied with this:
 : ( (
Here are a couple of videos of Goblin’s first few steps. (they’re each only 5 seconds long) The first one shows how excited she is to be walking. The second shows the actual steps. They were taken on Friday – she’s a pro now. Amazing how fast she picked it up.

I’m also missing my mom. She’s out in DC and I know she enjoys her job very much. I’m so proud of her and inspired by her successes. But I miss her. And I realize that I wasn’t a very thoughtful daughter when I went away to college. I didn’t call much, and didn’t come home that first semester for months. My mom has always been reserved when it comes to nagging and giving unsolicited advice, maybe because she got plenty of that from her own mom. So she didn’t pressure me or make me feel bad about my newfound independence, but I look back at that and it makes me feel bad. I was a bit too focused on my own life to call home and see what was going on. Thankfully, Hollywood is nicer to me than I was to my mama at eighteen.

I’ve got a lot of other things on my mind – work stuff, home stuff, the usual mom stuff. I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed today, but my thoughts are tinged with blue today.

Then again, I realized that the shadow of my car looks like Shrek:


I also had a dream last night that I was living in the dorms and my RA came to talk to me with only a towel on. In my dream, I was my giggly, naive, 18-year-old self. And he was hot. I thought about that little gem of a dream on my commute too.

So it wasn’t all doom and gloom.

1 comment:

GrannyJ said...

This sounds just like my 1:30 am to 4:30 am mind games that are happening all too frequently. Makes me dizzy how quickly the subjects change!