Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Checking in (aka Yes, I'm still pregnant).

Just in case you wondered... because everyone has been asking me this lately.

I drove to work this morning with a thick, hazy fog all around me.  The full moon, ringed by the fog, was glowing in the western sky. It was eerily beautiful, but I couldn't help but look around and wonder if I was on the set of a zombie movie. I turned off my audiobook and finished my commute in silence, letting my thoughts bounce around as they will. I have serious ADD lately, and I don't know how much of it can be blamed on pregnancy.  I suppose a lot of it can be, because the hormones and lack of sleep have to be affecting my attention span. But occasionally it's nice to ride the 40 minutes to work, with no noise or distractions, alone with my thoughts.

These days my thoughts are usually surrounding the impending birth of our Goblin.  I am due in 20 days. Less than three weeks.  In some ways, that feels like an eternity.  But in others, it's a terrifyingly short duration of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready, for the most part.  The bag is packed, most of the essentials have been purchased (babies don't really need much those first couple of weeks, after all) and Lord knows I'm ready to have my body back to some version of 'normal'.

But I'm worried that I will be spread too thin for a while to give my older children the attention they deserve. I remember when I was about to have The Boy, I was heartbroken because I felt certain that I'd never be able to love another human as much as I loved my Hollywood.  I honestly stressed about that for a long time. I know this is a common fear among second time mothers... And that miracle that happens when the younger child is born - the virtual doubling of the heart's capacity for love - is an amazing feat that still awes me.  I'm not worried about being able to find room to love all four of my children.  But I am worried that for a while, the older three will not be getting "all of me".  If that makes sense.

This weekend, The Boy got confirmed.  Here is a photo of us all decked out for the occasion:

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It was a lovely (although long) mass, where the Bishop of our Diocese officiated over the sacrament that welcomed these teenagers into the adult community of our church.  The Boy chose his sister to be his sponsor, which I think is really special.  He sees her as a role model for his faith, and I'm glad that they can share that together.

After confirmation, we went out to dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, and then the rest of the family went home while The Boy and I went to see a movie together.  It was his request to go to the movie, he wanted me to take him; was glad to spend his Saturday afternoon with his mom at the theater, when he could just as easily have asked to meet a friend there.  I treasured those couple of hours with him - and I felt just a little sad that because I'll be the sole food source for an infant for the next several months, I won't get true one on one time with The Boy like that for a while.

I don't mean this to say that I'm not ecstatic about the arrival of Goblin. See the expectant smile and (gag) glow on my face as I show off my belly?
*belly photo of me in front of the crib:
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I can't wait to meet our little guy or gal, and am looking forward to caring for an infant again. I know these thoughts are similar to the ones I had when Hollywood was my only child and I was about to change her world forever by bringing her brother into the world.  It would appear that his existence didn't damage her too terribly much.

But enough about that... I haven't blogged in a while because life has been going on around us in the whilrwind of activity that defines our schedules.  Here are a few photos of some recent activities:

At the beginning of October, we had a great time at our annual tailgate with my dad's extended family.  The kids got to talk with my grandma for a while.  Grandma V took the kids by the hand and said to each of them, "Now tell me all about YOU." by way of the conversation opener.  She spent all afternoon talking to her grandkids and great-grandkids and learning more about who they are. What an amazing woman she is:

*photo of Grandma V with Bumblebee:
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*photo of Grandma V with The Boy and Hollywood:
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We've spent time doing other things this fall - hiking the trails at Ledges (a state park that I'm in love with):
*photo of The Boy and Bumblebee with Reggie at Ledges:
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And of course there have been school activities (Hollywood emceed the Homecoming Pride Night Event), sports (Hollywood is running cross country and The Boy is playing football), and a packed social calendar for the kids.  It's been a beautiful fall so far, weather-wise.  Soon enough, the vibrant colors of the trees will fade, the cold will creep upon us, and winter will be here. 

But before that happens, I'll be a new mommy again. What a thought!

2 comments:

kylydia said...

I love your pregnant glow-y picture! It's very flattering!

I also love the picture of your Grandma with Hollywood and The Boy. Such love in her eyes!

K. Spahn said...

I think I totally understand your feelings with this new baby coming. In fact, just the other day I told Mason that I'm not sure we should have another because I know I wouldn't love him/her as much as Charlie. Good luck as each day passes! Can't wait to hear the good news!