Tuesday, December 7, 2010

1DUMDRVR

I almost got a speeding ticket yesterday.  Turns out that I had a really good excuse for speeding.  One that the state trooper would have to accept, so that a warning would be issued instead.

See, I was driving down the interstate at my usual rate of speed.  Traffic was three lanes across at this point, and a minivan came from behind me, weaving in and out of traffic to get a couple of spots ahead.  I didn’t notice who was driving as the minivan passed me, but when it pulled in front of me, after passing several cars, it slowed down. I had to hit my brakes and adjust my cruise control.  Grr. I was annoyed.  A swear word was likely uttered under my breath.

Then I saw the license plate. It said 1HOTMOM.

Seriously?  You’re driving a minivan and you want your plates to say 1HOTMOM? 

That’s so dumb.

Personally, 1BADDRIVERMOM would have been more apt, but I don’t think that would fit on the license plate.  I just HAD to see what 1HOTMOM looked like.  I mean, was she one hot mom?

Naturally, I tried to pass her so I could see what she looked like. As I got in the left lane, she decided she didn’t want me to finish ahead of her in the imaginary interstate race we were competing in. So she sped up.

I sped up too.

Then she did.

And I did, and so forth.  We were both very speedy. Which, incidentally, is my favorite word to say. I know that’s a random thought.  But say it out loud. Now.

No, really, I mean it. Go ahead!

"Speedy.  Speedy.  Speeeeee-deeeeee." It sort of rolls off the tongue, and is genuinely fun to speak, right?

Anyway. Back to the interstate. I would not be denied my look at 1HOTMOM.  I had to know what she looked like.  So I finally caught up with her.  And you know what?

She was cute, sort of. In a rather plain way.  Maybe it was her morning to drive the carpool and she’d been up since six and didn’t have time to get all fancied up, the way I imagined 1HOTMOM to look. I was picturing botox, fake boobs and a velour track suit.  But nope.  1HOTMOM was just kind of blah.  More like 1WARMMOM. Lukewarm, even.

Why then?  What would possess someone to put that on their license plate? Think of the pressure. If you're not always all glammed up, that plate is going to give you nothing but trouble.

I can’t have been the only person to pass her in order to get a glimpse of 1HOTMOM.  In my case, I got my gawking done, checked my speedometer, and saw that I was pushing 90.  Yowza.  I slowed back down, and just as I had the speed under control, I crested a hill where a state trooper was waiting to pounce.  Yikes.

But really, it would have made a good excuse, right?  Anyone would've gone over the speed limit to try and see what 1HOTMOM looked like.  Am I right?

5 comments:

Beth said...

Vanity plates annoy me 10x more when they are *literally* vain. I'm also annoyed by ones that are obviously somebody's initials and/or number of kids. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a single vanity plate that doesn't annoy me.

Oh wait, the ones that ID the make and year of a classic car. 57CHEVY is okay.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Great story!

Anonymous said...

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good work! keep posting more. I have a dating blog too but it's not so popular like yours..

Steph said...

Ha! That sounds like something I would do - I mean the speeding-up-to-check-out-the-driver part, not the flamboyant vanity plate. My vanity plate would probably say 1TYRDMOM or something like that. Good stuff!

D. Marie said...

You and BFam must be related. He said that from now on, if a woman has a stupid vanity plate about being "HOT" or "SEXY", he was going to drive up to her window to check her out. And if she was none of those things, he was going to honk and throw stuff at her window.