The other day, I was driving home from work on the Interstate, going about 75 miles per hour, when I almost died. My life flashed before me and I let out a bloodcurdling scream.
Because of this guy:
*photo of a spider on my dashboard, at a little above eye level:
That nasty effer was on the inside of my dashboard. I freaked out and scrambled for something to kill it with. As I was digging through my purse for a napkin, I fumbled across my phone, so of course I took a picture of the creature that was about to cause my death. Maybe the insurance company would find my phone among the crash rubble, see the picture, and realize that I drove off the road because of a scary spider who was crawling across the glass about six inches away from my head!!!
I never found a napkin, so I took my entry badge for work and flicked it off the dashboard onto the floor by the passenger seat. I didn't want that creepy thing dropping down onto my lap. That would have ended badly - like with me in the ditch, or worse... in front of a semi.
Spiders in cars are dangerous! And why did he choose my car anyway? It's not like there's spider food in there. There may or may not be a tootsie pop stuck to the carpet in the back seat. And it's possible that some extra goldfish crackers are hanging out on the floor. Perhaps even a grease stained McDonald's bag or two have taken up residence in my fancy, meticulously clean car. But no spider food. No flies, moths, or whatever else spiders munch on.
Of course, flinging it to the other side of the car didn't kill it, so I was completely freaked out the rest of the drive home. I was sure that the little monster was going to be stealthy and crawl around the back side of my seat to catch me by surprise. The way someone will come up to you from your left and tap your right shoulder so you look that direction and nobody's really there? Spiders are sneaky like that too.
I'm not kidding, I was sweating by the time I got home. Then I spent 20 minutes looking for the little bastard in my car. I finally found him and squashed him unceremoniously. I hope 'he' wasn't there long enough to lay a whole slew of eggs.