Friday, August 14, 2009

Terribly Inappropriately Irreverent (alternate title: Mom, You Probably Shouldn’t Read This)

I love how certain friends bring out the absolute worst in me. A few of my friends are like this - no matter what the subject is, we always seem to turn it into something grossly inappropriate or offensive.

“Erin E Attitude”, my old pal (and by old, I mean she’s wearing bladder-control undergarments) sent me an email with this picture in it:
*drawing of a woman hugging Jesus:

Here is our email conversation about it:

EEA: This made me giggle.

Me: WTF? I think Jesus is about to slip his hand down a bit further and feel up some tail!

EEA: You are such a filthy, little beast! Seriously. Must you mock the special love between me and my Jesus??

Me: I'm so sorry, I did not mean to offend your devout and pure soul. But I can't help it - I wonder if she's feeling some Jesus wood pressing against her belly. I'm so totally going to hell. Which sucks, because I won't be able to ride the old Jesus train, if you know what I mean.

EEA: OMG! You totally outdid me with that one. Even I wouldn't have gone near the 'Jesus Train' reference. Probably would have made the wood remark, definitely would not have gone the locomotive route. I totally miss you sometimes!

Me: Yeah. I'll be burning in the torturous fire pits of hell for all eternity while good girls like you who aren't sacrilegious and filthy will be lovin' on Jesus. Life is so unfair. I miss you too! *smooch*

EEA: Have I ever told you how skanky you are?? Just checking.

Me: Oh right. I'm a skank just because I'm bummed about not getting do do the boom-chicka-wow-wow with He Who Died for our Sins? People in glass houses, my friend...

EEA: Dude, I don't want to do the beast with two backs, I just want to praise Him with my love. I am totally going to heaven. It will probably be totally boring there, but man, I can't handle the heat...it's so bad for my asthma.

Me: I'm dying here and you are totally starring in my blog today. I'll send you the link when it's done.

EEA: Don't I have to sign some sort of affidavit allowing you to use my likeness in your blog? Shouldn't some sort of legal transaction have to take place? It's not like I give out all this comedy gold for free you know. Stick a couple $20s in the g-string and we'll talk about whether or not I'm starring in your blog....

Me: Oh, you're wearing a g-string today? That's a step up. Must've needed something to catch the monistat when it dripped out, huh?

EEA: Are you at home drinking today??

5 comments:

WebGal said...

Um...*scratches head*...what do I say? I feel like I should yell, "Blasphemer!" But I'm too busy laughing.

Travis Erwin said...

I toast thee with a heart rum and coke. Heavy on the rum.

Barb said...

okay so I'm totally going to hell too cause that was hysterical!

Kari said...

Can't.stop.laughing.

Kirsten said...

Ha, you and your friends think just like my friends and I do. That was so awesome and warped!