Saturday, August 29, 2009

How to Get Rid of a Sad and Pathetic Tree

This is a sad and pathetic tree. It looks like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree with almost no needles left.
*photo of sad tree:
sad and pathetic tree

It has got to go. But it's a very tricky tree to remove. Just look at The Husband and Brother Z consider their options:
*photo of Z and TH staring up at the tree:
z and d looking up at tree

This is a tricky tree to remove because the tree is leaning towards this:
*photo of the gas pipeline, which is right next to the tree.
gas pipeline

and this:
*photo of our neighbor's mailbox.

So follow along and watch the cheap and questionably safe way to remove a tree so that it doesn't fall on the gas pipeline or the neighbor's mailbox.

First, you have a 41-year-old who thinks he's five climb up the tree. That 41-year-old will think you're a freak for taking a thousand pictures, so he will stick his tush out and tell you to photograph that. So you will. It's pretty cute, though, right?
*photo of TH up in the tree sticking out his tush:
TH tush in a tree

So the old man who thinks he's young will stay in the tree and wait for the 26-year-old who really is young to throw up a rope at him.
*photo of Z tying a rope while TH is in the tree:
z rope

And then The Husband will hop down from the tree, and toss the rope to Brother Z, who will tie it to the end of the giant, rugged, rusty, pickup truck:
*photo of Z tying rope to the truck:
truck rope

Did I mention that the giant, rugged, rusty pickup truck is sitting in the middle of the front lawn? Nothing but class for this operation. If you do it right, your neighbors will drive by and stop to joke with you and say that they hope not to see you on America's Funniest Home Videos.
*photo of truck on lawn:
truck in front yard

So then, Brother Z, who loves to play with chainsaws, will start to hack into the sad and pathetic tree.
*photo of Z with a chainsaw:
z chainsaw sawdust

And when he's cut enough of the tree, he will hide behind another tree, one that's not quite as sad and pathetic, and tell The Husband to 'step on it!'

step on it!

And when TH hits the gas, the tree will fall down so quickly that the photographer (who only has a sad and pathetic little point and shoot camera) is left with only a void in the landscape where the tree once was instead of a great action shot of the tree actually falling:

bye ugly tree

But the tree will be gone. And that is good.

The End.


WebGal said...

Glad everybody survived that! And love your brother's hat. :)

Kay said...

We did this in our backyard. Six feet from the back of the house. I watched them set up, but wasn't brave enough to stay and take pictures, so I went for some retail therapy instead. When I came back, the tree was down, and we still had a house.
What is it that possesses men to do things like this??? (And despite what they say, it is NOT about saving $$$.)

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

A few observations:
I LOVE all your pics in your posts lately. I was going to ask you what kind of camera, then you said *point and shoot*

I would have been in the yard saying "I love the smell of testosterone in the air". That was such a guy adventure.

Then I would have said "Bumblebee! Get out of the truck!"