Wednesday, December 17, 2008

This Will Be Worth it When I'm Ripped... Right??




Hurts to breathe. Yeah, I mean it.

I am not new to exercise. I run regularly and have been doing so for about two years now, though I'll admit that I'm slow and only go 3-4 miles at a time. I also walk. A lot, and have done that for a long time now. And yet, those last fifteen pounds are still stuck on me like the jelly that is always on my counter tops since The Boy began making his own sack lunch for school.

I haven’t found that magic pill to lose weight, though I hear it has something to do with restricting the amount of cupcakes, cookies, bread, and fried stuff that I shove into my mouth. Since that food restriction thing isn't working out so well for me, I figured I’d also work on building muscle strength. Cardio is something I enjoy and do frequently. Strength exercises, not so much. We joined a gym and Hollywood and I decided to take a kickboxing class. It meets at 5:30 a.m., and is a giant pain to wake up for, but that’s another gripe for a different day. The class was hyped as a mix of cardio and strength training. And it’s only 45 minutes long, so I figured why not? I can do just about anything for 45 minutes.

Or so I thought.

Monday was our first class. We jabbed and hooked and upper-cutted and crossed. We did some kicks and squats and jumpy things. I tried to beat the snot out of the bag, but my punches were ineffectual and weak. It still felt good, even if it looked wimpy. Then we did a ton of ab work. My abs have all the strength of a six pack:

– of PEEPS. Soft, squishy and marshmallowy. Yep- that describes my abs. So I wasn’t real keen on doing a ton of ab work. But I powered through.

And we survived the first class.

Until yesterday. When it hurt to breathe. I’m not kidding. Apparently we have muscles that line our rib cage in our back. Google tells me that they’re called the Latissimus dorsi muscles, which I believe is Latin for 'don't eff with me or you'll be sorry'. I didn’t even know they existed, but was acutely aware of them all day yesterday. When I sneezed once, I almost fainted from the pain.

Thank God for Advil and a good night’s sleep. Today they are only faintly sore. So, we piled our sleepy selves into the car at 5:15 this morning and went to torture session class #2.

It started out innocently enough. Again with the punches and the kicks. And aside from me screwing up the order almost every time we did them, I did mostly ok. Then we did more ab work, some push ups, and finally, this horrible thing that almost killed me…

Here’s an illustration of it:

You have to lean against a wall and squat down until your legs make a 90 degree angle and just hold the position as if there’s an invisible chair there. It looks easy, but holy mother of Cheetos, it hurts. We had to hold the pose for a minute and a half and I seriously thought I would die. I’ve seen it on The Biggest Loser. As I sat on my couch with a bowl of cereal in my lap, I'd scoff at the contestants who always seemed to wimp out doing this particular exercise. Pfft. That looks easy, I'd think and tuck another pillow beneath me. I remember seeing Jillian screaming into the faces of exhausted contestants as they cried while doing this pose. Now I know why. This morning's class knocked that smugness clear off my chubby little face.

I left the class with shaky legs, but no worries... It was so cold outside (-4) that the rest of me was shaking along with the legs in no time.

Oh, and Hollywood’s experience with all of this?

No pain. Only complaints that she could only do seven “real” push ups before going to her knees. (I did one. And it was half-assed.) God how I wish I had the body of a 15 year old again.


Travis Erwin said...

Some people brag about six-pack abs but not me, I got a whole keg worth of belly and I ain't tooting my own horn.

Mom In Scrubs said...

You feel about muscle-building as I do about cardio.

I'll give you half my muscles if you give me half your

Seriously, keep it up and it won't be so bad after a while. It gets to be cool when you become aware of using your muscles in regular day-to-day activities and it actually feels good!

Mom In Scrubs said...

Oh, and I about DIED over your "six pack." Flippin' Genius!!

WebGal said...

I so love your Photoshop creations. :)

Jenster said...

Let me know if it was worth it.

Great illustration, by the way!!

Barrie said...

Abs of peeps! Ha! I love it!

lyzzydee said...

Poor you, I laughed about your sneeze though!!!!