Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Talkative Tuesday

This morning, I was brushing Bumblebee's hair and she said, "Momma, I want to get really sick and pass it to you."

"Uh... why?" I said.

"But I want to stay sick with you."

"Ok..."

"So we can snuggle up in my bed together and watch Monsters Inc. on your laptop. That was so fun!"

Last winter, when we were both laid up with the flu, we spent a lot of time watching kid movies in bed. I love that it's a fun memory for her - she's brought it up a few times since then. But that flu was terrible. I don't want it back. I told her we could snuggle up some weekend night in her bed and watch movies without being sick.

"Can we put Vicks [Vapo Rub] on, just because?" She asked.

Sure, why not?
***

Hollywood and I went for a run last night. The temp had cooled down to 82, so I thought we'd be fine. Bad. Idea. It was so humid that it felt like we were slogging through soup. We were soaking wet (from sweat or the water in the air, I'm not sure) by the time we'd gotten only a mile in.

Then - as we ran by the bridge that goes over the quaint little creek, we saw two bearded men fishing. They had parked their van by the side of the road. I didn't recognize the men, so I began to get nervous. (Remember, I live in Tinytown, population 400-ish, you recognize almost everyone...) I started obsessing about those men, conjuring up scenarios about how they would attack while we were plodding along that remote, country road. I told Hollywood that I was nervous about those guys. Our route is an out and back, so at the end of our run, we had to go back over that bridge, and it would be dark by then. Then I dispensed some good motherly advice: "If they grab you, kick them as hard as you can in the balls."

She stopped running for a second and looked at me like I was batshit crazy. "Ok, Mom," she said in an amused voice, "What do you think will happen?"

I told her I had images of one guy grabbing her, the other grabbing me, and then they'd throw us in their van and took off. Nobody would see it - there's nothing but cornfields around there.

She rolled her eyes at me and told me I was paranoid.

I explained that when you have kids, you get paranoid. Plus, I watch too much CSI, which is her fault because she set up the TiVo season pass for the stupid show.

"They look like nice, normal men." she said.

"Uh - no they don't! Did you see their beards?! Psycho killers for sure!" I replied.

"Mom," Hollywood looked at me. "They looked like Grandpa." (My dad has a ZZ-Top beard.)

"Exactly. Grandpa looks kind of scary sometimes!" (sorry, Dad!)

I'm happy to report that the two bearded fishermen drove past us in their van long before we got back to the bridge. I kept looking behind me to make sure the van didn't turn around and come get us.

Hollywood kept muttering that I was crazy, then she started quoting The Princess Bride:
Westley: ...the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.

Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.

Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
God, I love that kid.

7 comments:

Debbielou said...

I like the smell of Vicks vapour rub ! There is something nice about snuggling up when you're not feeling too good.

I'm glad that the fishermen left with all of their " tackle" in tact too !!!

Travis Erwin said...

Do not fear the bearded men of this world, it is this polished clean shaven ones you gotta worry about.

Monnik said...

Ha, Travis. Good point.

However, these were super longZZ Top beards. Not nice ones like you have.

Jenster said...

A Vick's Vapor Rub and Movie party!! Sounds fun!!!

I love Princess Bride. LOVE IT!!

duchessjane.com said...

I love Vicks too!

Mom In Scrubs said...

Bumblebee is so darn cute!!

Hey, I'm paranoid too. I don't think you're batshit. I think you're a mom. I bet most of those missing people weren't paranoid!

And FYI, whenever JeepMan sees a woman or two women running alone near or after dark, he shakes his head and says, "what? do they WANT to be assaulted?" So you're not alone. AND, normal guys think about that stuff so why wouldn't weirdos think about it?

Better safe and paranoid. Amen.

SUV Mama said...

LOL! Okay, that was just funny. Your kids rock.