Thursday, January 31, 2008

Oh Deer!

Dear deer,

I am so sorry for taking your head off tonight while driving 70 MPH down the highway. It was swell of you to jump right in front of my BRAND NEW CAR THAT HASN'T EVEN HAD IT'S FIRST OIL CHANGE YET.

I didn't need the driver's side mirror that's now impaled in your skull, so you can keep it. And I think the giant paint scrape along the windshield casing is super classy. So thanks. You're a gem.

I'm always looking to make new friends, deer, so it was cool that I got to meet the young man who stopped to see if I was ok after I pulled over the side of the road to survey the damage. He was actually pretty creepy, so thanks for looking down on me from deer heaven and making sure he didn't kidnap me and cut me up into pieces.

I'm sorry that you got ran over a few more times after you chose my shiny black car to commit suicide with. I think your carcass was pretty mincemeaty afterwards. So that sucks, because you can't have an open casket funeral and all. And nobody can make deer jerky out of you either, because you're too tenderized. Which is a shame.

In closing, I hope the last few seconds of your life weren't painful. You know, those moments when you stared at me with that blank expression and decided that standing in the middle of the left lane wasn't a good idea. Too bad you decided to jump into the right lane of traffic instead of into the safe, vehicle-less ditch on the other side. But at least the last thing you looked at was pretty - my shiny new car that didn't have a scratch on it.

Until now.

You're the best, deer.

Hugs and Kisses,
Monnik

7 comments:

Debbielou said...

Sorry to hear your news - glad that you are ok x

Barb said...

Oh my gosh... so glad you are okay. Man, that sucks about your car though. Don't know how you kept your wits about you ~ and then writing such a great post. You're amazing.

WebGal said...

Yikes!!! That sux! Poor shiny new car...and poor deer. :(

Jenster said...

No way!! I'm glad you're okay!! But I'm so sorry about the car. And the deer.

Travis Erwin said...

No jerky! Now that is sad.

Glad no one was hurt, well, except the deer. Just think he survived hunting season only to be struck down just when everything seemed safe.

Debbielou said...

Monnik - I have tagged you and Webgal - see my blog for the rules x

Mom In Scrubs said...

New cars are deer-magnets...don'tcha know? Every time my Grandpa would get a new van he would hit a deer within 2 months.

I AM glad you're ok...especially that you didn't get abducted by JimBob Creepo.