Monday, October 1, 2007

The Motorcycle Guy and His Keys

On my commute home today, a guy on a Harley cruised up next to me while traveling on the Interstate. Of course he didn't have a helmet on. (Iowa is one of the few states that don't mandate helmet wear, don't ask me why...) I could probably go on about that, but this biker's lack of a helmet isn't the point of this post. We were going around 70 MPH. As he sped up beside me in the four lanes of traffic, he let go of one of the handlebars (do they call them 'handlebars' on a Harley? That seems like banana-seat bicycle terminology, but I'm getting off track, and we don't want that) to reach into his pocket and grab hold of a huge key ring with a bunch of keys attached. He fumbled with the key ring for a few seconds and then he put it back into his pocket.

There are several things wrong with this scenario, the first of which is that I was riveted by his actions, and was therefore not paying attention to my own driving. And that's not good. But, wow. What if that dude would have dropped those keys? Would his instinct have been to lean back to catch them? Would he have had to wait until after rush hour to scurry into the lane without getting hit by a car to retrieve the keys? What would the keys have looked like if a few semis had ran over them?

I think the real question here, though, is: What in the name of God did that guy need keys for at that particular moment? He was on a moving motorcycle, for Pete's sake! They clearly weren't the keys to the Harley, and I can't imagine why else he would need to get those keys out of his pocket at that particular time, unless:
  1. He has severe OCD and had to physically take the keys out of his pocket and inspect them to make sure he could get into this apartment when he got home.
  2. His crack pipe was buried beneath the keys in his pocket and was digging uncomfortably into his, er, leg, and he had to rearrange things.
  3. He was a secret agent with the CIA, and the keys looked like keys but were really a tracking device and he was speeding up to toss them into the open window of a suspected terrorist's Honda.
  4. There was a tube of chapstick attached to the keyring and he was in desperate need of that waxy lubrication to ease his chapped and swollen lips. (I can almost understand this one, being the chapstick addict that I am in the winter months.)
I love making up stories about people I don't know. What are your theories on this one? Why would he risk his safety to pull out keys he obviously didn't need at the time?


Ada said...

I think that guy is crazy. It's too dangerous to do things like him. I meet many friends on a site called bikerkiss. They have the same opinion with me.

Travis Erwin said...

Something was digging into his leg. He reached inside his pocket felt the keys, realized his keys were already dangling formteh Harley, so they he pulle dhtem out to inspect the strange set of keys.

Only then did he realize he'd accidentally picked up his gay lover's key ring. And now he would have to exit the highway and race back before the other man's wife got home from work and discovered her husband's little secret.

That's my theory.

Andrea said...

I think I'll go with the OCD theory. He was afraid he'd lost them because he couldn't feel them in his pocket and he had to check right then before the panic got the best of him. Because his hands were a bit numb from the vibrations and wind, he had to actually pull them out of his pocket to make sure he really had them.

Swishy said...

Yeah, my guess is that he had to check them, too. But that is CRAZY!!!

Manic Mom said...

I think he was subtly adjusting his johnson and didn't want hot moms next to him to realize that's what he was doing!!

Love your theories--proves you are a thinking writer!!