Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Not the Perfect Mom

Sometimes I really hate that I'm not a perfect mom.

Last night, after a very stressful and busy day of work, I ran to Menard's to get some veneer for the table after picking Bumblebee up from daycare. She was cranky and misbehaving. And whiiiiiiiiny. I had very cute, but very painful shoes on. Menard's is the size of a small country. I had to run from one corner of the store to the other, and back again in those ridiculously painful shoes because I'm a Home Depot gal and don't know my way around Menard's.

We got to the van after finally finding everything we needed, and Bumblebee whined about how hooooooot it was, while crying that she had to go to the baaaaaathroom. I was at my wit's end.

We got home, I checked the veneer and found that it wasn't long enough and that I'll have to special order the veneer for the table I'm refinishing. That means I have to return to Menards and take back the stupid stuff. Ugh.

See how my day was going?

I was tired and crabby. When I walked in the door, Hollywood told me that she wants to be the manager of the football team. Last year when she was signing up for activities, I begged her to cut back and choose only those that she really loved. She dropped band and volleyball but kept chorus, basketball, track, softball and TAG. And she wants to take guitar lessons again. This fall season was supposed to be our two months off for the whole year - free from sporting events and practices and everything else. But now she wants to be the football team manager. When she told me this, I flipped out. I complained about the fact that this is just another commitment, that we have too much going on, blah blah blah. Hollywood got upset and started crying because I wasn't happy about her doing this. She pointed out that I wouldn't have to do much other than pick her up from practice (and she could easily get a ride if I was busy), that I didn't have to go to the games or anything, since she wasn't playing - and so on.

I thought about it some more, realized that she was right. Initially, it just seemed like another thing to deal with on my overwhelming schedule. But the time she needs picked up from practice is the exact same time that I get home from work, and the football field is only a mile away from the house, so it's not a big deal. Really. I just overreacted. I hate that attribute. I'm a hothead. I freak out over little things. And it makes me feel like shit when I calm down and assess the situation, and realize that I blew something like that way out of proportion.

I apologized and said she could do it. She was happy. I forced myself to get my 30 minute run in, so that I could de-stress a bit. I definitely needed it. It made me feel better, and the rest of the evening was quite lovely.

Later that night, as she came in to say goodnight (Hollywood goes to be after me. How lame am I?) she said, "Oh - wasn't that job interview today? How'd it go?!"

I almost started to cry because of how thoughtful she was. The Husband hadn't remembered to ask me how it went, and I was secretly sulking about that. But in my passive-aggressive way, I chose not to bring it up during our nightly phone call. (He is traveling for work this week, like he has been for the past two months.) I wondered how long it would take him to remember that I had a job interview. Don't bother pointing out that nobody is a mind reader and that I should have brought it up myself, and all of that. I know he's not a mind reader. I know he forgot about it. I know I should have brought it up to him if I'd wanted to talk to him about it. (I guess If he reads this, he'll remember, but... ) Whatever. It doesn't matter that he forgot. Well, not that much I guess. Ok, clearly it still bothers me a teeny bit, but... back to Hollywood.

I thanked her for being so thoughtful and reminded myself not to fly off the handle at her so much just because I've had a stressful day. She is a great kid, a thoughtful kid, and picking her up at the football field after school is no big deal. Besides, who wouldn't want to hang out with the football team every day after school? Can't blame the girl.

Oh, and by the way... The interview went well. But I don't want to jinx it, because I think I would really LOVE this job. It would be right up my alley and it pays well. It might be a teeny bit out of my league (I'm a bit thin on the interactive/web marketing experience), but I feel like I did a good job of selling myself. I guess we'll see. I was already warned that this would be a long process and I won't likely hear anything for a few weeks.

That's all I got. Later Gators!


Jenster said...

What??? You're not perfect??? LOL!! Honey, who is??

You're obviously a great mom. Your kids wouldn't be quite so wonderful if you weren't.

And I totally, TOTALLY get the passive-aggressive thing. I do the same thing. He may not be a mind reader, but he should have remembered just the same!

Swishy said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. Really! It's life. Sometimes we overreact. But it's OK.

I'm glad the interview went well! And I would have TOTALLY done the same thing and not said anything until I was asked! Sweet of Hollywood to ask, though.

Jess Riley said...

Very thoughtful, that Hollywood. :) Good luck with the job prospect!

PS: like Swishy said, don't be too hard on yourself; we've all been there, and it sounds like you recovered nicely.

Andrea said...

I've been trying to break myself of the passive-aggressiveness lately because it seems to be the source of many of my and the hubby's arguments.

I've got my fingers crossed for you! See? *crosses fingers* Granted, it's really hard to type this way. :)

And you've got great kids... :) Of course, my opinions are based soley on what you've posted.

Mom In Scrubs said...

From one hothead to another: I'm sooo with ya! Yes, I agree it's important to remind ourselves from time to time that we need to rein it in...but the apology part is SOO important, too.

I imagine that a child will remember the apology more than the blowup. I mean, how often do kids get to be in that position, where a parent is offering a heartfelt apology?

I'm not passive-agressive, at least I don't think so. But JeepMan is and it drives me nuts!! After 11 years of marriage he still hasn't figured out that I am not a mind-reader. Oh, and he frequently uses the term "We" or "SOMEbody" when he really means "you." ARRRGH!

You can't have kids that great and be a bad parent. Look to them to see the good in yourself...

Love ya babe!!