Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Just A-Swingin'

This weekend was crammed full of activity, as usual.

Friday night we went to the State Fair. The first Friday night of the fair is known for it's 'rough' partying. We go every year and have drinks at the beer tents before heading home. This year we were standing in our usual spot and I spotted some people we knew. They go to our church, their kids go to the same school as ours, and our sons played on the same little league game a few years ago. A very nice couple.

I waved at "Peggy Sue" (not her real name) and she came over and gave me a big hug and said hello. I love how beer drinking makes casual acquaintances instant best pals. Her husband "Buddy" (not his real name) came over and started chatting with us. We talked about the kids and about going back to school and work and whatnot. They got called away by another friend and Peggy Sue hugged me again, while Buddy slapped my shoulder and said goodbye.

Those guys are really nice people. We should hang out with them sometime. I thought to myself after they left.

Fast forward to Saturday night. We'd driven up to Fargo for The Husband's Uncle Bob's ash scattering on the Red River. The ash scattering was a very cool thing to witness, I've never seen that done before and it was a fitting tribute to the man Bob was. Before he passed on, he picked out the spot to have his remains scattered and it was perfect - a tranquil and gorgeous location. I was briefly horrified when Bumblebee said she got some of the "dust" in her mouth (it was windy) but I tried not to think about it much.

That night, we hung out at the hotel with TH's uncle and aunt, and my in-laws. We had a nice time sitting by the pool drinking wine, eating pizza, and watching the kids play in the pool. TH casually mentioned to his uncle that we ran into Peggy Sue and Buddy at the fair the night before. He knows them too - small world. Anyway, TH's uncle dropped a little bomb when he said, "Did you know they're swingers?"

Wow. That's definitely food for thought. Maybe it's gossip, maybe it's true, who knows. It sure did get my mind going, though. It wandered in this type of direction...

If you're a swinger, how do you pick up your partners? Are they called 'partners' or are they 'dates' or 'acquisitions' or what?

Does it hurt your feelings if you ask a couple to swing and they say no? It must hurt, at least a little. And what about the embarrassment of running into them again? I wouldn't want to be picking out a melon at the grocery store when one of the non-interested, non-swingers I propositioned at the bar the night before stood across the aisle checking out the kumquats. That would be awkward.

What if you come across a couple at a swingers bar and the woman is smoking hot, but the man looks like he'd been hit by a mack truck? Does your spouse ask you to 'take one for the team'? Or do you do rock, paper, scissors to decide if you make a move or not? Or do you have a rule that both of you must agree upon the swinging partners before a move is made?

I think swinging would be very complicated. The logistics are tricky. Say you meet Bonnie and Clyde in a bar. Where do you go once you've decided to fool around? Do you both go back to the same house? Do Peggy and Clyde take the master bedroom while Buddy and Bonnie go to the den? Or do Bonnie and Buddy go to the Holly residence while Peggy and Clyde go to the, {insert Clyde's last name}'s residence?

Aside from where you do it, the frequency is also a question I have. If it works out and Bonnie and Clyde are a good match for Buddy and Peggy Sue, do they meet up again? How often? What if you get more action with your swinging partner than your spouse? Does that make you jealous or grouchy or happy?

If you're a swinger, and you want to have kids, does the man always question if he's the true parent of the woman's children? Or is there a moratorium placed on all swinging activity during the trying to conceive phase? What happens when there's a 'surprise' pregnancy?

Do gay people swing? Is 'swing' the correct verb here?

See, lots of questions. I could go on, trust me. There are a lot more in my brain. But my fingers are tired. Anyone else have questions? Or, better yet, is anyone out there qualified to answer these questions?


Cmommy said...

LOL!! First, thank you for your kind comment--I'd love to email and talk to you about our children. Sara had a translocation (I really should find out which #, I did know at one time) and we always wondered if her missing organs were 'lost in the jump'.

OK, swingin'.....I read something about this while brwsing the new nonfiction stuff at the library this summer (a book about social mores, etc) I gather that it's done on vacations, with random strangers, or on planned vaca with swingers from many regions. Um, NOT something that fits my marriage vows. (and, yes, I'd feel rejected--who needs that?!)

Come back and visit me :-), I'm bookmarking your page!

Andrea said...

Wow. I check your site daily ('cause your on my blogroll-I found you through Manic), and this was not what I expected to find! LOL!

Sadly (or scarily, whichever you prefer), I can answer several of your questions. My hubby and I are NOT swingers, but we have several friends who are and have been propositioned on multiple occasions. I'm the type of person who asks LOTS of questions when faced with something new, so I of course have asked the swingers I know pretty much the same questions you asked.

If a couple decides to swing, there are often steadfast rules in place, such as always use protection, both parties must be willing, spouses feelings/needs must always come first, and all feelings must be up front and honestly discussed.

Some swinger couples have a swingers group that they pick from, and often it's not just partner swapping with one couple but among several couples. This is called a swing party, and there tend to be lots of naked/semi-naked bodies around.

Some swinger couples actually hook up with other couples, but the 'union' has to be agreed upon by all parties involved. No 'taking one for the team'.

With some swinger couples, either one or both parties are bi-sexual, so there are times they can just be with one other person instead of two.

As for being uncomfortable after being propositioned, the first time, I was uncomfortable afterwards for a while until I realized our relationships really hadn't changed.

Does this help?

Mom In Scrubs said...

Wow, Andrea has a lot of info!! I watched a TV show on Swingers (check out Secret Lives of Women on WE, you'll find out about LOTS of alternative lifestyles), and pretty much everything Andrea said is what the TV show said. I guess there are also online Swingers hook-up networks.

I don't know, it would definitely be weird, but I suppose in the end you could just sort of look at it as a compliment...? I mean, if they aren't embarassed by it, why should you be?

Something I will never understand...but I try not to be judgemental either, I guess.

Jenster said...

BWAHAHA!!! The possibilities are mind boggling.

Swishy said...

Yeah! I watched that same special on swingers! It was on VH1, I think.

Wow. I TOTALLY learned a lot from Andrea!

Monnik said...

Lots of good information, guys! I love learning about this kind of stuff! And, TH, honey, if you're reading this, it doesn't mean I want to become a swinger, I'm just interested in how other people do it.