Wednesday, August 1, 2007

I Don't Like This One Bit!

This is a post about unhappiness. Before I start, I should preface by saying that I'm fully aware that I have many blessings in my life, including a great husband and family, a nice home, a good job, a dog, a cat, and my health. I know there are lots of people out there going through *real* hard times. But still...

I've been in a rut for the past several days. I'm feeling grumpy, unmotivated, lazy, unhappy, and generally irritated with myself. I can't fully explain the feeling. It's like I want things to be different, not as hard, with more time to relax and not be stressed or busy. It's a weird feeling. And I don't like it one bit.

Here's my list of things to be unhappy about:

  1. This morning I got up to run, did my 5 minute warm-up walk and... I quit. I got off the treadmill, went upstairs and sat in the sun room with a cup of coffee. Then I started to feel guilty for quitting. I just couldn't run this morning, but I don't know why. I wasn't particularly sleepy, I had no aches or pains, it was cool in the basement, so really, there was no reason not to run. But I quit anyway. And now I feel guilty. Why? Am I obligated to run three times a week? No... But my goal is to stay reasonably fit, and I have a history of failed resolutions and goals.
  2. I'm also unhappy about work. I won't go into it here, and I feel bad for TH who had to listen to a tirade last night on the phone, but I'm just sick to death of the pompous, arrogant, Senior VPs that I have to work with. I could write a 5000 word essay on why I'm sick of them, but that would induce a narcoleptic episode on y'all.
  3. I'm unhappy that my house is a mess and I need to clean it, but I'd rather work on refinishing my table or taking a walk with the kids and the dog, than cleaning up the house.
  4. I'm unhappy that The Husband is out of town so much. We've had so much going on lately on the weekends when he is home, that I feel like things have been rushed between us lately. No time for real conversation, no time to just 'hide under the covers all afternoon' like my pal Keith Urban sings in his Raining on Sunday song. So that makes me grumpy.
  5. I'm unhappy that our finances have been slipping a bit lately. We charged more than I'm comfortable with on our vacation, and now I have to scrimp and save to pay it off before we fly to SF this December for my brother's wedding.
  6. I'm unhappy about my weight. I've been losing and gaining the same 3 pounds since February. I'd like to lose 10 more and keep them off. But I can't get a grip on my eating. It's a cop out to say I'm powerless, but I really have no motivation in that area lately too.

When I go back through my list, I see that all but #2 are things I control. And really, #2 can be controlled by perception. So what to do about all of this unhappiness? I'm usually a very happy person. I don't like this kind of rut. Drink more water? Exercise more? Force my mind to quit wallowing in self pity and make the most out of the great life that I know I have? Yeah, that's what I should do.

Ok, here's my plan:

  1. Get off my butt and run tonight. No excuses. Also play volleyball with The Boy and take the dog for a walk.
  2. Have a couple of very productive days at work. This will help my sense of accomplishment, and make me feel less angry about the things I can't control in the workplace.
  3. Spend an hour with Keith Urban blasting on the CD player while I clean the toilets, scrub the floor, and dust the house. Make the kids do some weeding for their chores.
  4. Make plans for an overnight getaway (even if it's just to the town 10 minutes from our house) with TH. We need time to reconnect.
  5. Restructure the budget and be thankful that TH is working a lot of overtime that helps put us in a better financial situation.
  6. Eat five servings of fruits and veggies today. (That's about all I can commit to at the moment there, but it's a start...)

So making the list did make me feel less grumpy and unhappy. I'm sure listening to my Keith Urban CD while I tackle #2 on my list will help too. Well, as long as one of those irritating VPs don't come ask me for something while I'm working, that is.


WebGal said...

Wow...that's a good idea to make an action plan. I tend to just wallow in my own fetid cesspool of crapulence. :)

Andrea said...

I'm with Webgal... I tend to just wallow if I let myself think about them all at once, because my list is very close to yours - minus #4. :) I bet it feels better to get it out in the open and have a game plan, though.

Jenster said...

I feel that way about much of what you wrote - um all of what you wrote except for the job part because, you know, I don't have a job.

Anyway, I think I get to feeling this way when everything is haphazard - no organization, no rhyme or reason, no focus. And then I feel guilty because, like you say, I have so many blessings.

But you know, life is like this. I doubt there's a person on the planet who doesn't feel depressed at being in a rut. And the more down you feel the harder it is to get out of that rut. So I think you're doing EXACTLY what you need to do! And I think I'm going to follow your lead and make a list of how I'm going to better things around here. Like clean the house and make a budget. Yuck! :o)

krobzoo said...

I don't think I knew S was getting married!!! I am so happy for him. :)
Sorry you have been having a rough few days, it is hard to get out of a slump sometimes.