Thursday, June 21, 2007

Monica Seles, I am not!

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I may share her name, but wow. I don't share her tennis skills. Or the grunting. Holy buckets! Check out her leg muscles. WOWZA!

Hollywood and I went to play tennis last night. I was begging one of my children to do some sort of physical activity with me. The Boy didn't want to do Tae Bo, Hollywood didn't want to do Yoga, and Bumblebee was jumping on the trampoline at the next door neighbor's house. The Husband was parked on the couch - I knew better than to ask him...

Finally, I got Hollywood to agree to play tennis with me. We drove seven miles to a town almost as tiny as our town. It has a cute little city park with a tennis court. We got to the court, and that's when it started.

"Ok. So do you know how to keep score?" I asked Hollywood.

"Not really." She said.

"Well, here's how it goes..." I began. And then my brain froze. I remembered the numbers 15, 30, 40, or was it 45, and something about love. What the hell? I thought. Why can't they use consecutive, regular numbers in tennis?

"Uh, you start with zero, zero?" I said unconvinced. "And I think love means zero..." But I really wasn't sure. My brothers play tennis. They go all the time to play tennis. They're quite good at it, I think. But I haven't played tennis since high school gym class. Unless you count smacking a ball against the garage door and volleying with yourself. God, our neighbors must have hated living by us when we were growing up! And I do like to watch tennis, or at least I did years and years ago. Back when Andre Agassi was hot because he had long hair...

Hollywood piped up, "Isn't there something about an ace?"

Hmm. I thought so, but wasn't sure.

We decided that keeping score wasn't important. So I started by getting behind the serve line and explaining where the ball should land on the serve. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. I can't serve very well, and it turns out that Hollywood, while a natural athlete, is not great at tennis. She couldn't return my bad serves.

We decided that like keeping score, actually serving the ball wasn't important. We just wanted to softly volley the ball back and forth until we got a rhythm going and THEN we'd concentrate on the rules of tennis.

"Let's try to get the ball back and forth five times." I suggested.

It took us half an hour to get to this lofty goal. In the meantime, some creepy looking dudes in a rusted out old beast of a car kept circling the park watching us. That was a bit unsettling, but not the reason it took us half an our to hit the ball back and forth between us five times. And I'm not talking about five complete back and forth volleys. I'm talking about this pattern: Hollywood hits the ball, I return it, she returns it, I return it, and then she returns it. THAT'S our five times that we shot for. And that took us half an hour to achieve. I think we even let the ball bounce twice if it needed to before we could get to it. That's how pathetic we were.

We decided to try for six. We never got to six, and we tried for another half an hour. I think we achieved five a couple of times, but never the coveted six. Hollywood was incensed. She's not used to being bad at a sport like I am. I thought it was fun, but she just kept getting mad that we sucked so bad.

I hope she keeps playing with me so that we can get better. Maybe by the end of the summer we can be up to a 10 return series... I can dream, right?!


krobzoo said...

That was hilarious, picturing your game. Anna said, why you laughin? I couldn't explain, it was just funny.

WebGal said...

You crack me up too! I challenge you to a game. I think I'm even worse than you. Remember I've only played "tennis" with a raquetball raquet. :)

Swishy said...

The only time I ever played tennis was my sophomore year of high school for gym class. There were some hot senior guys doing it, so my friend and I did it too, and we got stuck on the end court with the teacher because we sucked so bad. No cute senior boys for us!

Jenster said...

Tee hee!!! Sounds like fun. A friend and I started out volleying like that every day and after a month or two we had gotten pretty good at tennis.

And yeah - I can't remember how to keep score, either. :o)

Travis Erwin said...

My wife used to like to play tennis. Luckily she's past that now. Liked to have killed me at the time. Yeah, she whooped me easy. said...

OMG! We have not had lunch since March 29th! Damn Mon - it has been waaayyyy too long.

I know your summer is crazy with all of the weddings and traveling...but we need to find an hour. Work has got me running in circles. Lunch - just you and me. I can't promise I won't touch you... - oops, did I say that out loud?!?

Hugs to you and the kids and TH.

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